In the Wilds of Hell
by Elvin-Godess-Riona
Summary: To mate, to hunt, to survive. The werewolves code. But how far does the code go in a world riddled with bigotry and racism? Remus needs Lily, and she loves him, but when random murders are the norm, the Ministry blames our resident werewolf. RL
1. Prologue

A/N: Hello! smiles like a maniac Wow I am so excited!!! This is my first fan fic!! cheers I really hope that you'll read it and leave a review for me. I even except Flames, which just shows how desperate I am for my fic to get attention. " Ahh well. Lets get on with the Show!

Shippers: Remus/Lily, Lily/James, Sirius/lots of other girls.

Rating: Will be R but don't judge on appearances. It'll be PG-13 for a long time.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. If I did, why would I be writing on Fan fiction? I would be writing the 6th book by now. Sorry, I'm babbling. Just don't sue.

Special Note: This is going to be very angst, in case you can't read well and didn't see the genre. When I say angst, I mean angst! I suppose this could be classified as an AU, but I dun know. You be the judge.

My blood was pumping fast. It was the full moon night, and Madame Pomfrey's hand on my shoulder was becoming unbearable. I wanted human flesh, _needed_ to bite her, and it was all I could do not to attack her. When the urges became to powerful however, I tensed and brushed her hand off of me. Madame Pomfrey understood though. She knew that the cravings inside of me would win out if she kept on.

"Go ahead Remus." The stern nurse stated kindly. "I'll watch you from here."

Nodding, I prodded the knot on the Womping Willow with the long branch, and slipped between the frozen branches. The tunnel below was cold and dank as always, but it seemed less so today. James, Sirius, and Peter had finally finished their Animagus training and would be joining me tonight.

The thought of company, however pleasant, made my stomach twist into knots. They would see how violent and feral I was. They would see me transforming, and hear me scream as my bones rearranged themselves. What would they think? How could I know that they wouldn't abandon me once they saw how dangerous I was? Maybe they would finally realize how dangerous it was to be my friend.

I had to physically shake the thought from my head. They wouldn't abandon my. They had all gone through the trouble of becoming animagus' for me, they wouldn't leave know.

I tried desperately to calm myself. I couldn't transform if I was distraught. Being agitated, stressed, angry, or depressed made the transformation about 10 times worse. I couldn't let James, Sirius, and Peter see me when I was like that. I didn't want to hurt them.

I was about half way through my relaxation exercises, when a loud thunk penetrated the silence. Suddenly the door opened, and out fell Peter.

Laughing, I said, "Pete? You ok there mate?"

"Yeah, Sirius just pushed me." Peter replied, grinning nervously.

Looking up at the door expectantly, I saw Sirius and James appear out from under James' invisibility cloak, smirking broadly. Extending a hand to Peter, Sirius helped him off of the floor and looked over to me.

"Hey Remus, you ok so far? Are you going to transform soon?" Sirius asked in his loud, yet calm voice. Trust Sirius to be calm while stuck in a room with a werewolf.

"It's the full moon you prat." Came James's raucous voice. "How do you think he's going to look?"

Sirius gave James a mock glare. "I was just asking. What the hell else am I supposed to ask?"

James was a bout to respond, when I suddenly went stiff. "Transform!" I ordered in a hoarse voice.

Sirius looked concerned, but did as he was told after I yelled, "Now! Do it now!" It was a good thing that he, for once, followed instructions. I doubt I could have prolonged the transformation any longer.

My body was bathed in the pale moon light, and my arms began to tremble. My eyes went wide as the shaking carried through my body until it became difficult for me to stand. Pain soon followed the tremors, and I bit my tongue as a particularly sharp jab shot through my body. Not being able to contain it any longer, I threw back my head and screamed.

I could feel my bones snapping and cracking, rearranging themselves as the werewolf in me took over. My muscles tore apart and my nerves were on fire. I fell to the floor and screamed as my spine snapped moved. My fingernails were elongating and hair sprouting all over my body.

My hands changed to wolf paws, and the nails sharpened to a deadly point. I shrieked as my muscles and bones started coming back together, and started trembling again as the transformation came to a close. I rose to my four feet and looked over to my three new companions. I could smell their fear, but Remus was gone by this point. As Moony took full control, I howled my anguish to scarred ceiling, and gave in to my counterpart's needs. Moony was free once more.

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I seen the results of remus's transformations before, and heard vague details that he had accidentally let slip, but I had never thought it was this bad.

I was just going to talk to James when Remus suddenly went stiff. His eyes were wide with terror as he told us to transform. We all changed at his insistence, but were all deeply worried for our friend. I could tell from Peter's lack of squeaking and James' lack of movement, that they were in the same terrible awe that I was.

Remus's body had begun to violently tremble and shake, his eyes going, if possible, wider then before. He had told us what to expect, but I knew that what I saw would stay with me forever.

Remus, Moony, whoever was standing before me, had begun to scream and writhe in such a way, that you would think he was being tortured. His body had begun to convulse, and you could hear the bones snapping in his body. Hair had begun to grow all over his body and his nails grew longer.

It pained me to see my friend in such obvious agony. I wanted to help him, wanted to stop this incredibly undue anguish. I probably would have too if James hadn't stopped me. I looked over to see his tall brown antlers pointed at me, and his eyes sent me a silent message. 'Leave him alone. We can't help him.'

It was unfair, but true. There was nothing I could do for my friend, even if I desperately wanted to help. I began to feel physically sick as I realized that Remus did this twice every month. He was subjected to this torture every moon cycle, and had done nothing to deserve it.

I was pulled from my horrified musings as the ghastly screams suddenly ceased. I looked up to see that my friend, Remus Lupin, had now changed into a full fledged 6 foot tall werewolf.

I stared in trepidation and in completely unchecked awe at the magnificent and horrifying beast that stood before me. The wolf had long and grizzled silver fur, and paws the size of full grown mans hand. The powerful muscles flexed and rippled under the shining fur, and those eerie amber eyes that belonged to Remus and Remus alone stared over at the three of us, practically cowering in the corner. It seemed as though our fear amused him, and he lifted his head and gave a long mournful howl to ceiling. Then I knew Remus was gone and Moony was awake.

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I watched from Moony's eyes as James, Sirius, and Peter attempted to shake themselves from a stupor. They were terrified, I could tell. There fear of me laid heavy in the air and assaulted my senses. Moony was delighted by this, misinterpreting it to mean respect, but I knew. They thought I was a monster. They were afraid.

Moony padded over to my friends, and sniffed the air surrounding them. I had told them not to be afraid or Moony would sense it, but it seems that they were oblivious to my instructions. Moony was analyzing them, looking for potential pack mates. If they refused to walk up to Moony and look him in the eye, he would attack, and there would be nothing I could do about it.

Finally, after what felt like hours, James stood up to his fullest height and walked over to Moony. Inwardly I rejoiced. Perhaps I wouldn't be forced to attack my only friends. James stared into my eyes with his warm hazel ones, and I could feel Moony's acceptance. I breathed a sigh of relief. Now if only the other two would mimic him.

Moony's eyes left James and settled on Sirius. The great black dog, encouraged by James' success, clambered to his four shaggy feet and walked hesitantly over to Moony. Their gazes locked, glowing amber and brilliant blue stared into each other for several moments. Moony watched Sirius longer then he did James, but accepted him as a pack member and let his gaze slip to the rat on the floor.

Anyone, animal or human, could tell that Peter was terrified of Moony. His tiny body had begun to tremble slightly and tiny, almost incoherent, squeaks began to issue from him. I could feel Moony's unease at the thought of accepting Peter as part of the pack. I began to panic. I did everything I could to tell Moony that it was OK, and that the rat was to be let into the pack unharmed.

The longer we mentally jockeyed for control, the more exhausted I became. I wouldn't be able to keep this up for very long. Putting all of my strength into one final attempt, I felt Moony give way under my rebellion, and I let Peter pass by unscathed.

I let Moony take control without any resistance. I was simply to fatigued to fight him any longer. The wolf inside of me had always been stronger, and I could never fight it for very long. However now that I was no longer resisting Moony, he took full advantage, and engaged Sirius in a battle for dominance.

Moony had sensed a very strong impression of rebellion in Sirius, and wanted to make sure that he knew who was the alpha male in this pack. As I watched from behind Moony's eyes, I saw that Sirius had been completely taken by surprise, and was roughly knocked onto his back as Moony jumped on him.

I hoped against hope that Sirius would know that I wasn't attacking him. I had mentioned to them that this might happen, but hadn't gone to far into detail. I was praying that Moony would battle any of them, but it seemed as though he thought Sirius would be defiant.

As soon as Sirius was knocked backwards, James tried to stave off the wolf in hope that Sirius would get back. This effort was futile however. Just as James leaped forward, Moony snarled at him, at knocked him back into his place. I silently pleaded with James to take the hint and stay back. I knew for a fact that Moony could take the two of them if he so wished, and I had no desire for my friends to be mortally wounded.

Thankfully, James stayed still after being knocked back, and watched impatiently as Moony and Sirius battled it out. It took a few moments, but Sirius seemed to realize that I was not trying to kill him, and began to fight back. I watched in silence as the two canines fought each other for dominance. After a few more moments of snapping jaws and clawing nails, Sirius caught on to what Moony was doing, and he backed down.

I could feel Moony grin wolfishly, and he leapt away from Sirius, and over onto James. Like Sirius I could sense that James was taken by surprise, but recovered quickly, and started to battle with Moony. James's hard bone antlers dug into Moony's side, and he growled in frustration. I could feel Moony's growing respect for the pair as he battled James, and knew the moment James backed down that he would trust James the stag until death.

Moony didn't even look over at Peter, and looked over at Sirius and James. Both looked winded, and I could see the sweat dripping off of there fur covered bodies. Moony went over and licked the both of them, and my fears were finally put to rest. Moony licking the two animagus' signified that he trusted them, and was allowing them into the pack. Even though he hadn't licked or battled Peter, I could feel that he would accept him as well, however grudgingly.

Moony, Padfoot, and Prongs all wrestled and fought playfully with each other until the Moony could no longer stand for fatigue. Immediately, I could feel my control coming back. The sun must be rising. Moony gave one final swipe at James and Sirius before handing control back over to me. The pink and dim light of the rising sun swept through the room, and our body began to shake. Moony howled as the our bones cracked in two and arrange themselves back into their original form. Our muscles were tearing into pieces, and Moony howled for the agony of it all.

I could feel my human shape returning, and the control of my mind was handed solely over to me as Moony went back to sleep for another month. Moony's grizzled silver fur retracted into my skin, and my hands and nails were restored. I realized that I was on my hands and knees as my bones stopped breaking apart.

As the pain left me, I looked up into the horrified eyes of my friends, and said, "Hey guys." Before letting my nude form fall to the cold wooden floor beneath me, completely unconscious.

A/N: So, what do you guys think? I really hope that you liked it, and will review. I need the reviews, or I might do something stupid. Read,, review, and check out my friend, Anime-crazed33, fic, "Loves Forbidden Fruit." It doesn't get nearly the amount of reviews it should. Well, on that note, REVIEW!


	2. Internal War

A/N: Hello! I am back at last! So sorry for the horrendous amount of time that I have delayed this chapter, but I have been working on my other story Burnt Dream Catcher for a while now, but I'm sad because I only have 2 reviews. But anyway, have a few things to address from my faithful and ever vigilant reviewers. I thank you!

Reviewers:

MimbleWimble: I thank you for your astute observations on the moon cycle, but Remus does transform twice a month. He turns into a werewolf and then back into a human. I'm sorry, I should have been more clear. Thanks for pointing out to me though!

Lilykins: I am simply assuming that he is naked after a transformation. I mean, the werewolf is bigger then him and would therefore rip his clothing, wouldn't it? I just assumed and am using my freedom as a writer to use my imagination. But, if you don't want him naked, then he doesn't have to be naked. Thanks for the review though!

Everyone Else: I'm sorry for not writing to you all separately, but you all pretty much have the same concern. The first chapter was a prologue from the marauders fifth year, because the werewolf in Remus will play a large part. At least, from what I know it will. Thanks for your reviews though! I hope you keep reading!

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Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. I'm not going to write this down for every chapter, so if you have a problem with it just read this disclaimer for every chapter I put out, okie? The sorting hat song is mine though. Do not steal it, just ask me first alright? Enjoy!

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Special Note: No more first person POV! I promise! I was just using it for the prologue. Now I'm just going to use the normal third person POV. I hope that this one doesn't confuse anybody. I'm sorry for those of you I confused and bamboozled! On with the story!

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Green fields filled to bursting with crops ready to be harvested and pastures sparsely dotted with fat cows grazing on the emerald grass, were flying past the carriage window. The cerulean sky had a thin layer of gauzy white clouds streaming towards the horizon in patches, and the sun glowed brightly with its own special and immeasurable beauty. Remus Lupin beheld these sights through the amber eyes that took in all detail, as he tried to ignore the four other members of the compartment he shared.

Sirius, James, Lily, and Peter were all talking and laughing about their summers and of the mischief they were planning for the year to come. James and Sirius were taking this job rather seriously considering it was their final year at Hogwarts, and both wanted to go out with a bang. They were in the process of planning a prank that would put all other pranksters to shame, and would have them remembered through the rest of Hogwarts history. Though, Remus thought to himself, it is a complete impossibility that Marauders could be forgotten. After all of the mischief and mayhem that they had caused, teachers and students alike would remember them for many years to come.

Remus turned away from the window to look over at the people whom he had so closely befriended over the past seven years. Sirius was talking in his loud and always cheerful voice that could keep an entire room at attention, telling the others about his new flat he had gotten since his mother had disowned him. Remus found it rather odd that Sirius could talk of his own disownment in such nonchalant tones, but since he had of course met Sirius' mother, he could come to an understanding.

Peter sat next to Sirius, with a look that neared awe decorating his pudgy and round face. Peter didn't add much to the conversation, just let the others talk around him and laughed. It was odd that Remus didn't get a good feeling from Peter, but he had never fully trusted the boy after Moony had made it clear that he did not want the rat Animagus in his pack.

James was sitting across from Sirius with Lily seated on his lap, and was listening raptly to Sirius' tale. James' arms were wrapped tightly around Lily's waist, and Lily had her head rested on James' chest. Both teens looked very comfortable.

Overwhelming sorrow constricted in Remus' chest as he watched the pair. They had been dating for a year now, but Remus had never really gotten used to the idea. He had always had a crush on Lily Evans, ever since he had first seen her at the sorting in their first year. However, over the many years they spent together as friends, Remus' small schoolboy crush had transformed itself into something new, something far more intense. He could very well say that he loved Lily Evans.

Remus had thought that he would have all of the time in the world to say something about the feelings he had for her, but weeks had escalated into months, and months into years, and soon Lily's hatred of James had dispersed and they started dating.

Remus could still remember the day that James and Lily had told them that they had started dating. Letting his emotions get the better of him, he laid his head back against the cushiony head rest, and allowed bitter memories to reign.

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(Flashback)

Remus was sitting in one of the armchairs by the fire in the Gryffindor Common Room reading over the day's lesson in Transfiguration when the portrait hole burst open, and a very happy looking James meandered over to him.

"Heya Remus." He said, his voice wavering in his obvious joy. "Have you seen Sirius and Peter?"

Remus stared up at James in slight worry. "Yeah sure. Their both up in the dormitory I think. Why, what happened?"

James just grinned widely in response and said, "I want to tell you all together. Just stay here while I get the other two."

In the two minutes that James was gone, Remus had managed to go through every possible scenario that could possibly make James this happy. His mind was still buzzing when James returned to the Common Room with Sirius and Peter in tow.

"Alright so spill it James." Sirius said, his eyes flashing with curiosity. "Why are you up and wandering around on cloud 9?"

His smile got, if possible, even bigger as he replied, "Well, you know Lily right?"

Sirius' face took on a mock puzzled look. "Hmm…Red hair, green eyes, you've had an extreme obsession with her for the past three years, yes I do believe we know her. Prongs you prat. Just get on with it!"

Not even Sirius' sarcastic comments could bring James down from his dreamy state however, but Remus could feel his stomach sinking with every passing moment. He was beginning to form a vague idea of where this was going, and he didn't like it at all.

"Well I met her in the library, and we were talking for a while. You know, without yelling at each other. Anyway, I could feel that we were really starting to connect and took the risk and asked her if she'd come with me to Hogsmeade next weekend. She didn't answer for a while but she said yes!"

Remus felt his mouth drop open. Lily and James? James and Lily? Lily…James…how? The idea was starting to process in his slow and muddled mind as he heard Sirius laugh and thump James on the back and Peter excitedly squeaking his congratulations. Remus vaguely remembered saying "congratulations" but with no real conviction. He wasn't worried though. James was so deep in his dream world that it wasn't a problem.

The only thing aside from the news of James and Lily that Remus could remember about that month, was a completely horrendous transformation.

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(End Flashback)

"Remus?"

Remus woke with a start as he heard Lily calling his name. "Lily?"

Her green eyes were full of worry for her friend. "Are you ok Rem? We've been calling you for at least five minutes but you weren't responding. Do you feel ill?"

Remus grinned at her concern, but was gripped with guilt because he knew that she didn't mean his lycanthropy. "No, I'm ok Lil. I'm just a bit tired." He said this with reassuring glances at James, Sirius, and Peter, letting them know it wasn't because the full moon was near.

Lily grinned as she turned back to James, and Remus' grin slipped rapidly from his face. He had never told her about him being a werewolf. It made him feel guilty when she asked where he went every month, but he consoled himself with the fact that she would never go out with a werewolf. That is if he ever collected enough courage to ask her.

Though, as long as she and James were dating, Remus would not intrude. He could tell that they were serious about each other, and he would never ruin their relationship because of his own feelings. Besides, James would never speak to him again if he made a move on his girlfriend.

**OoOoO**

The Hogwarts Express arrived in the station two hours later, and there was a mad rush of excited first years to get outside. The Marauders and Lily pushed there way through the throng and out to the trail of carriages. Remus actually joined in a conversation with the others as the horseless carriages pulled them towards the ever illustrious castle, and before long, found himself sitting beside Lily at the Gryffindor in the magnificent Great Hall.

Moments later the first years marched in, and the sorting hat was placed on a stool at the front of the Hall. The entire student body quieted as they waited for the impending rhymes that the hat would produce. Remus could see some of the First years squirming nervously as they looked around, wondering what was going to happen next, and Remus smiled as he remembered his own sorting. Finally, the split at the bottom of the ever aging hat opened wide and it began to sing:

"Oh many, many years ago

When I, the hat, was new

The four founders were young at heart

Innocent, naïve, and true.

They built a school together

With best intent in mind.

They found a many student

Of the magic and wand waving kind.

They each picked their own attributes

That they thought to be the best

They spelled and charmed and fixed me up

So I could do the rest.

Ravenclaw, she asked of me

To pick the ones with smarts.

So those of great intelligence

Would never be apart.

Gryffindor, he treasured those

That were chivalrous and true

He wanted all the brave of heart

The right things they would do.

Slytherin, he told me

That he wanted the students shrewd.

The cunning and clever

But never the slow and crude.

Hufflepuff, she then approached

And said she didn't care.

That those who were simply loyal

Would always be welcome there.

So now you see dear students

That I have a job to do.

Your mind will soon reveal to me

The house that best suits you.

It's true I have to sort you all

But please do bare in mind

That even if you're of different house

I pray you never divide!"

Enormous applause erupted throughout the hall as the Hat's song came to a close, and Professor McGonagall could be seen at the front of the Great Hall, a large scroll of names in her hand.

"Aberson, Hilary!" And so it went, all of the new first years from Aberson to Zimbledine were sorted into there respected houses, and Gryffindor wound up with about 6 new boys and 5 girls.

James, being Head Boy, went over to the First years and welcomed them to the school, Sirius was busying himself with a girl sitting at the Ravenclaw table behind them, and Peter was talking to a boy from the sixth year about something or another. Remus realized far too late that this left him alone with Lily at his side. His eyes widened slightly with the realization as he wildly tried to calm his rapidly thumping heart, very sure that everyone in the Hall could here it beating in his chest.

"Remus?" Lily asked, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Are you sure that you're all right? You look kind of pale and you're sweating. Is everything ok?"

Remus turned to face her and amber met emerald. He contented himself for a moment to just look into those beautiful eyes of hers. So green, so caring, so warm. "Don't worry Lily." He said, gently brushing her hand from his now tingling shoulder. "I'll be fine." Grinning softly, Remus turned away from Lily's mesmerizing emerald eyes, and started to pick at the chicken on his plate.

**OoOoOoO**

Remus allowed the current of students to gently guide him towards the Gryffindor portrait as he watched Lily steer the first years past Peeves the Poltergeist and coax the ever switching stairs to stay still for a moment. He knew that he must look like a complete fool standing at the back of the group of First years, staring avidly at the fiery red head that led them, but he couldn't help himself. Remus knew that Lily would never be his, so the best he could do was to watch from afar and simply admire her radiance.

Once Lily had told the First years which staircase led to the boys and girls dorms, she grinned at them and gave them the best advice anyone could give a bunch of eleven year olds. She told them never to go anywhere alone with the four boys who called themselves Marauders. Remus laughed and attention switched from Lily to himself.

Grinning broadly, Lily indicated Remus and said, "This is one of the infamous Marauders. He however is the more tame of the four. It's the two blokes named James and Sirius that you need to watch out for."

Playing into her plot, Remus put a hand over his heart and staggered backwards, looking mortally wounded. "Lily, you insult me. I'll have you know that I was the one who thought of the end of year prank last year. You know, the one that involved pudding, the Slytherins, and green hair?"

The first years looked terrified and they quickly scuttled up the stairs to their respected dorm rooms. When they had all gone and vanished, Lily began to laugh. Her red hair fell in front of her face and her green eyes danced. It made Remus rejoice inside to know that he had caused her to look so happy.

"Why Remus, I never knew that you were one for terrifying First Years." She said, mock surprise entering her smooth, tender voice.

Grinning sheepishly, Remus shrugged and replied, "My deep dark secret finally revealed. What am I to do now Ms. Evans, now that you are aware of my hobby of frightening little firsties during their opening week at Hogwarts?"

Lily opened her mouth to reply when two arms could be seen encircling her waist. James cut off her reply with a swift kiss. "What is this I hear?" He asked, Lily still pulled against his chest. "Do I sense flirting in the air?"

Lily smiled and turned herself in James' arms. "Never love. Remus and I were just talking about the first years."

"Good." James said, a playful glint in his hazel eyes. "Because, honestly, I'd hate to have to kill Remus."

Throwing his hands up in defense Remus made his way over to the now empty stairs and said, "Well on that note, I'll just make myself scarce and let you too get re-acquainted. See you in the morning." But his words were not met with replies. Remus cursed his sensitized hearing all the way up the spiraling stairs, as he heard the sounds of Lily and James kissing passionately.

Throwing himself onto his bed, Remus rammed a pillow over his head and shut his eyes tight. If this kept up much longer, he was going to be in for one hell of a year.

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A/N: So, What do you guys think? I really hoped you liked it, cause I like all of the reviews you send. 7 reviews for one chapter! I am VERY pleased, as I'm sure you can tell, so please make sure to review. Flame if you must, as long as you are reviewing! Adieu!

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